Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
