U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
This house was built for laser tag.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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