she was so not down for the gang bang
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Randomize