Three words: puerto rican gang bang
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
