I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
