I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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