Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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