She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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