He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
