We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
