You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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