Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i think my tv is drunk
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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