Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
