I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
