we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
