My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
