The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
