any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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