He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
