When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
