Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
