hotel room ftw
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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