I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize