i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
