My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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