i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
