He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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