dude i'm inner monologue high
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
