she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
