Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
