tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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