she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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