I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
