They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Drunk walkin through police station. America
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
