i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
