That's when you crack a 10am beer
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize