Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
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