You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Randomize
