remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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