dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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