in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
