i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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