I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Randomize
