ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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