i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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