I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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