We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize