Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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