Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
