I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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