I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
