I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Someone signed my nipple.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
