i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
