dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I should be sponsored by Trojan
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
