Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
