At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
