Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
