My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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