Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
