I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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