Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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