Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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