Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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