I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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