I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
