Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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