i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
